Between Us
by Leeleh
Summary: When Rangiku is confronted with Gin's death, everything over their centuries long friendship is revealed. She must decide if she will let it consume her and all she holds dear, or if she'll move on. Rated M for some dramatic/dark scenes.
1. Chapter 1

****** Hey guys! This is my first story posted on and the first fanfic I've written ever. I found bleach at a late stage in my life but I fell in love with it. I've always felt like the GinRan ship deserved some more insight. In some ways, I always felt like their bond was the closest and the strongest of any characters (especially as a die-hard Ichi x Ruki shipper who was terribly disappointed in the end ). I hope this lives up to your expectations and I will try to update my posts more regularly.

 **WARNING:** As you can see, this story is rated M. It's not a lemon. There is sex, but it's not explicitly detailed. I chose this rating because quite frankly...I put Rangiku through a lot of shit. A LOT. I do this because as flirtatious and forward as she is, she's a bad-ass bitch and she's often underestimated. I give her a reason why. I even underestimated her before I but her through all that I put her through in this story. Gin _will_ put her through verbal, physical, and psychological abuses that will make him look like even more of an asshole. But I'm not trying to make Gin out to be a good guy here. I'm just trying to give some insight to characters and an explanation Kubo wasn't able to.

 **DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Bleach. If I did, Ichiruki would be a thing.

"Lieutenant Ichimaru,"

Blue eyes stared numbly at the budding of the sakura blossoms. It had been a late spring, and even though it was starting to warm up, there was a chill hanging over all of the Sereitei. Those blue eyes were as cold as ever.

 _Why did this happen? How could it have gotten so bad?_

"Lieutenant Ichimaru…"

Hands wrung themselves until the soft pale skin started to redden with irritation.

 _How am I going to tell her? How am I going to tell her what happened? It's…_

"Rangiku!" finally yelled Captain Hitsugaya, his temper finally boiling over his calm and composed manner.

She flung her head to the direction of the voice, startled that she had not heard her captain sooner.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I'm not used to being called that …just yet." A tiny smirk rose on the left corner of her mouth.

"Well you ought to," he said, with reprimand. "You've been secretly married for the past hundred years! That is your legal name and I intend to use it."

"I know it is, Captain. I'll be more attentive next time."

"Thank you," Toshiro sat down exasperated. He didn't like to yell at his Lieutenant, especially after all that she'd been through. But he was hurt himself. Hadn't he a right to be, after all? She had been married to the captain of Squad 3 since before they'd known each other. And even though she had been estranged from Gin for decades, he couldn't help being displeased about her secrecy. No, what he was most upset about was Gin, and his power over her. He was dead; and Rangiku might as well have been dead, too.

"Are you nervous, Lieutenant? About the legal handover?"

"No," she said. She raised her head to meet his gaze. "Asuna…"

"That's right! You have a daughter, I forgot," Toshiro tried hard not to raise his voice. "And you're wondering how to tell her. Does Asuna know that Gin is her father?"

"No, she doesn't. We'd agreed on it before she was born. He barely saw her," the look on Rangiku's face made her captain think that the agreement was one-sided.

"What!? What kind of parenting is…."

"Please stop, Captain Hitsugaya. I understand that you are concerned for me, but it's still…. A fresh wound, for lack of a better term."

Toshiro shut his mouth. Her head was again downcast, and he could see her chest rise and fall with the telltale signs of gasping for air so as not to cry. She wrung her hands again.

"Okay, Rangiku. I'll stop," he got up from his desk and sat beside her. He took her hands in his and looked at her sorrowfully. For the first time ever, he realized they had the same ice blue eyes.

"But tell me why," He pleaded, softening his voice, "Why and _how_ could you marry a man like that? How could you love the traitor, Ichimaru?" His grip unintentionally tightened on her hands. She gasped, finally raising her head to reveal her silent tears streaming down her sullen cheeks.

"When the only thing you know is poverty and despair," she croaked, trying to find her voice through the rawness of her throat, "and you are on the brink of death, and you're ready to give up," Toshiro let her hands go. He was uncomfortable seeing Rangiku like this, but he felt the need to comfort his Lieutenant. "Go on, Rangiku."

"But you managed to open your eyes and see salvation standing in front of you with silver hair and dried persimmons, that's when you realize a love that's unconditional; that knows no bounds. He was my god before he was ever your traitor.

"I may have denied it in life, but I will not deny it in death. My heart belonged to that asshole the moment I opened my eyes, and I have loved him unconditionally ever since."

The breath caught in the captain of Squad 10's chest made him tighten up. He had never seen Rangiku so helpless, yet he could not imagine the strength his Lieutenant had for bearing everything as she did alone. A knock on his office door interrupted his thoughts.

"It's time, Matsumoto. All the captains are gathered together in Squad One barracks to hear your statement."

A sad chuckle emerged from her pursed lips, "Have you forgotten already, Captain? It's Rangiku _Ichimaru_. At least with all this shit going on I'm able to use my married name."

"Rangiku!"

"Oops! Sorry, Captain! It was just a little curse word though…"

As they both got up to leave for the Squad One barracks, Toshiro could not help but remember the scene he walked into when he finally found his lieutenant, who had followed Aizen (and Gin) to the soul society.

Sometimes in silence he could swear he heard the echo of her voice screeching Gin's name.

 **Author's Note:**


	2. Chapter 2

***Alrighty! Second chapter is up! In all honesty I've had about seven chapters done since before I even posted the story, but i have been procrastinating on posting them. I'm sorry to the few people who actually liked and followed my story and I can and will do better ;)

To my anonymous reviewer: Thank you! Also, I am trying to stick to the story line as best as possible, which is why it has taken me so long to post chapters. I want to stay in Kubo's verse, for lack of a better word, and I want to use accurate information like dates, the ever-elusive age scheme of the Soul Society, and information from TBTP arc (which is arguably my favourite arc as Keisuke is hands down my favourite anime character ever!) which i think is very important to understanding Gin. Aizen and Tosen will be mentioned as well. The only extra character is Asuna.

Also, I'm going to be doing time skips. Lots of them. I try to stay in the same time with each chapter, but I will try to point out as clearly as possible all of these skips. Also, because there is much debate about age, I am going to go with a popular speculation that 10 years = 1 SS year.

Happy reading!***

 ** _180 years ago..._**

He knew from their first kiss how she felt about him. Even though it was just a little peck, her nervousness and pink flush on her cheeks had told him enough. He was old enough to tell these things after all.

"How old are ya anyway, Ran-chan?" Gin said with his signature slit-eyed grin.

"Old enough," she nervously giggled and he moved in closer, enjoying his little taunt. When he finally did it, though, he regretted it instantly.

 _She likes me, darn it!_ His left eye opened to reveal his sky blue iris before swiftly closing it again. Rangiku took no notice.

"Speakin' of," he sang, "your birthday is coming up soon."

She laughed. It always made him happy to make her laugh. He felt the warmth of it on this pale, papery skin.

"And yours is tomorrow, Gin. Did you think I'd forget?"

At this he waved his finger. "Tsk tsk, Rangiku. I hope ya didn't go an' buy anythin' for me. I'd hate to see ya waste the money we been savin'."

"Too late!" She was bouncing on her knees. Gin noticed, or at least noticed that he had been noticing that she was getting older; more womanly. Years of living together had definitely changed them both.

"Oh, Ran-chan..."

"Gin, shut up!" His smiled widened. The only thing he liked more than her laugh was her mouth. She could be quite vulgar when she wanted to be. They were both little brats from Rukongai, so it was expected.

"It's getting late, Gin. Can we sleep now, please? It's your birthday tomorrow and I won't allow you to stay up past midnight."

"You're one bossy lady, aren't ya, Ran?" he walked over to where he stored the cot when they woke up. There wasn't enough room to keep it on the floor without constantly walking over it and getting it dirty. They lived in a glorified doghouse.

He spread it out across the floor and let Rangiku hop in first, as she always did since they'd lived together. It was one of their rituals: She'd hop in, wiggle around a little bit, and when she'd settled on a comfortable spot on her left side, she'd lift her right arm up. Only then could Gin lie down next to her and hook his arm beneath her own. They kept each other warm at night this way. Gin realized that he had never minded the cold until she came. In the early days, when she'd get up in the middle of the night and sit outside of their home, he always knew. She'd thought it was silly and he learned to control it eventually, but he always woke up the moment the warmth of her back left his chest.

This time, it was Gin that got up in the middle of the night. He knew he would not wake her – she was a damn heavy sleeper. He could tell by a quick glance out the window that it was well past midnight: it was his 12th birthday. He looked back to his sleeping friend. Rangiku's hair was matted but still smelled like sweet grass. As he gently moved to get up, he noticed that his hand had ventured too far up Rangiku's body as they slept. Thank god he'd woken up! He wasn't some kind of pervert! It had just…happened.

Through her thin shift he could feel that her body wasn't just skin and bones as it was when they'd first met. She had a thin layer of fat on her now. He pinched her abdomen softly between his thumb and forefinger, smirking triumphantly at having taken care of her so well. Before he could get up, Rangiku shifted in her sleep, now lying with half of her body over him. Gin lay flat on his back and Rangiku's head nestled into his neck. Her hands covered his face and her left thigh crossed over to land on own slightly muscular ones. He felt her nestle her leg into his body to get into a comfortable position, she smacked her lips together and went back into a deep sleep. Gin, surprised, and slightly relieved that he hadn't been caught pinching her fat, didn't move her. In fact, save for the hands in his face, he was more comfortable this way. The warmth of her chest and the inside of her thigh was something different, but welcome and he drifted back off to sleep, thinking of what presents awaited him.

"Wake up, sleepyhead! It's your birthday!" Rangiku had gone out early to buy bread, milk, and fruits for breakfast. She had even bought some dried persimmons, their favourite.

Gin rubbed his eyes, even though they were still in their signature slit, his grin had downturned.

"Oh,Ran… ya shouldn't have! All of our money must be gone now."

"I didn't use any of it Gin! I did some chores earlier on this week for some of the shopkeepers. They gave me this as payment."

Gin's grin returned. Not because they still had all of their money left, but because she'd been thoughtful enough not to use it.

"Oh!" Rangiku sudden outcry jolted Gin out of his thoughts "I know you don't really like to celebrate your birthday, so I thought we'd get it all over and done with now, then we can go about the rest of our day like we always do," Ran pulled out a plain wooden box with a metal clasp. Gin new something quite expensive was inside.

"Ran," he sighed, "How did ya…?"

"Shh," Rangiku cut him off and knelt down beside him, offering the box out to him. "Open it."

Inside was a ring of plain copper, but in it was set a magnificent opal sphere, mostly pink in colour. Gin opened his eyes wide and Rangiku noticed.

"What is this?"

"The stone is supposed to bring us good luck. It's called tourmalini, or something like that," Rangiku wasn't too confident in her response.

But Gin couldn't care less. All that he saw in that pink opal was the ….thing. That thing that Rangiku had had taken away from her when he found her lying on the ground primed for death. And that man, handsome and grotesque all at the same time. Even before he'd known her he knew he would spend his whole life getting it back: Her true power.

He never told her about it. And he hadn't been telling her a lot lately. Like how he had finally met that son-of-a-bitch Aizen, and how many people he'd killed, just for her. He doubted he'd ever tell her. He also doubted whether or not he was staying true to his objective.

But not now. The opal orb did something for him. It re-awakened his passion for his purpose. It didn't matter to him if it took him 1000 years to do it, he'd get Ran-chan back her power.

Slit-eyed grin reinstated, he said, "thanks Ran. I do appreciate it. But pink ain't really my colour." he could see the corners of her plump mouth tighten, her beauty mark shifting a little as she did.

"Oh, come on Rangiku! I'm not getting' rid of it! I'll put it away for safekeepin'. I don't want anyone to know we have it an' try to take it from us." He put the wooden box underneath a loose floor slat, hoping that his lies would do the trick.

"After all, I don't have to be wearin' it to have good luck, do I?"

His last words seemed to cheer her up enough.

"Hey! Why don't ya help me catch some fish to eat with all this yummy food, huh?" Rangiku's frown turned into a smirk as she reluctantly agreed to go fishing.

"But since it's _my_ birthday… I think you should do all the fishin'."

"Gin!" Rangiku yelled. He loved to see her get frustrated too.

And it wasn't that he minded fishing. He liked it very much, actually. He just wanted to get her tired enough to that he could pinch her again tonight. It was just like the first time they shared his cot; he would forever miss the warmth of her thigh and chest if she didn't sleep on him the way she'd done last night.

When he thought about it, it was the only birthday present he really wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"strong style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"***A/N:/strongspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" Chapter 3, guys! I think this is my longest one yet. Remember when I said I'm gonna put Rangiku through a lot of shit? Well it starts here. I also am going to be going back and forth in time in this story, so unless I've made it clear in the actual plot or dialogue, I'm most likely going to specify it in italics. I'm trying time skips in stories for the first time here so bear with me and let me know if it's not super clear for you guys. Cheers!/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"strongspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Update:/span/strongspan style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" So after neglecting this story for months I realized that with my newest chapter update, chapter 9, I had timelines a bit mixed up. I have given up on trying to follow the manga/anime to a tee, but that doesn't mean I should neglect to review my own work. The only thing that's different here is a paragraph I inserted so as to make Gin's position of Lieutenant unofficial at this time./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"101 years ago…/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"strong style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;" /span/strong/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Can't I be excited that you're here? I mean, Lieutenant Ichimaru is here, in em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"my /emhouse! To what do I owe this honour?" Rangiku's voice was dripping with sarcasm as she carried out her linens to the clothesline. Gin was seated on the chair at the far corner of the room./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""If we want to be politically correct, Ran-chan, it's my house. I pay for it." span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanGin's legs were crossed and his head was bent down. He didn't want Rangiku to see that he was hungover. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Also, to be politically correct, he wasn't officially the lieutenant. The Gotei 13 was still reeling over the disappearance and betrayal of two of its most respected members. He was not sure when the ceremony would take place, but until then, Aizen and himself had rizen up in rank to fill the void Captain Hirako had left behind. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ouch, Lieutenant. You're not being very nice today." Rangiku was in a very playful, flirtatious mood. Gin didn't like it. In fact, that was part of the reason he dreaded coming today. That… and since becoming a Lieutenant (through which means disgusted him) he'd had a lot to do. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"At least that's what he'd told himself. Since the incident with Captain Hirako and the other "experiments", his new captain, the former Lieutenant Aizen, gave him a bit of a break. He'd been too afraid to come to this place, his house, and see his childhood friend. He drowned out his disgust with sake and women – lots of women./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Besides, you're lucky I'm not cross with you! You've no right to leave a pretty little girl like me alone in this big house of yours for so long!" again with the flirtatiousness. It made Gin sick./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""You ain't a little girl Ran-chan. You're almost 20. Start acting like it," he could feel her gaze on him as he said it. She was right about one thing though, she was pretty. Gin never failed to notice how her chest was ogled as they walked through the market, her large bust noticeable beneath anything she wore. "Besides, we aren't in that little shit box in Rukongai anymore. You have nothing to worry about."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""That little 'shit-box' is my em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"home, /emGin. It's our home. No matter what you do or buy me it doesn't change the fact that I was most comfortable there." Rangiku began to angrily fold her clothes. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Nothing had ever felt right to her since leaving that place. Gin had gone to the Seireitei to become Shinigami. He had completed the Academy within a year and moved up to Lieutenant a short time afterward. Even though he'd bought her clothes and paid for her food and bought a house in the countryside so they could get out of their awful neighbourhood, she missed everything about that little hut. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Hmm," Gin sighed into his hands and got up. "It's getting late, Ran. Mind if I go to bed?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""It's em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"your/em house, Lieutenant. You may do as you wish." She said, not even looking up as she folded the clothes. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"He opened the shoji to his room – His own room, separate from the rest of the living space and separate from Rangiku's room. It was plain: nothing but a cot to sleep on since he wasn't ever home often or long. He'd be gone by tomorrow afternoon. He'd just felt badly for being away so long; for all the drinking and parties and sex…./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"The sound of glass breaking awoke Gin from his sleep. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""What's goin' on Ran?" he said, a bit disgruntled./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin, someone's watching me. As a matter of fact, I've had this feeling of being watched for a long time."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Really, Rangiku? Is that what you broke a perfectly good tea cup for?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I'm serious, Gin! I've seen them, Shinigami, I mean. They showed up in the village a few weeks ago. I heard from the baker's wife that their mission ended a couple of days ago. But they're still here and no one knows why. When I go into town, a couple of them look at me funny. Could they maybe sense my spiritual pressure?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I think they sense something much larger that, Ran-chan," his signature smirk crept its way on his face for the first time since he'd been with Rangiku. "Don't overreact, though. They're prob'ly just enjoying themselves before they have to go fill out paperwork."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin I'm serious," Rangiku whined./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Rangiku, they don't want you. Believe me."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Oh!" she huffed and Gin noticed as her breasts moved with each one. "Is it so impossible to believe that I'd attract Shinigami?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Yes, it is, actually. They'd use you and throw you away like a tissue, Ran-chan. Plus, they've just finished a mission. They got no time for silly girls like you."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Rangiku turned red in the face, then retreated to her room, sliding the shoji firmly shut. Gin stood there, not entirely amused by her theatrics, and waited an appropriate amount of time before tapping on the thin frame./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran-chan it ain't personal…"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"The shoji slid open and Gin's eyes shot open, his grin turning into a scowl. Rangiku was dressed in an impossibly tight kimono that he bought for her that was barely able to restrain her bosom, waist cinched tight and short, golden locks styled delicately with a comb to pin it up. Her full, pink-painted lips pouted daringly at Gin, and she had put make up on to exaggerate her beauty mark. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I don't remember that kimono being that tight."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I altered it."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran, what are ya doin'!?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I'm going to town. I'm not tired yet. Go back to sleep." Rangiku made for the front door but Gin flashstepped in front of her, blocking her exit. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Fuck no…" He couldn't let her do this. He didn't realize how spiteful she could be./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin, come on. Let me have a little fun! Don't you have fun while you're at work?" Her playful voice was meant to mock him. He gritted his teeth and thought of something nasty to say./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Rangiku. I will not let you come into em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"my /emhouse with some stupid hillbilly and have you acting like a whore. I don't want a whore in my house."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""How do you know I haven't done it before? I could've have set up a business. I might be taking men into your room and…."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Stop it, Ran." Gin's voice warned her not to go any further./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Her voice became frustrated, "Well, damn it, Gin! You haven't been here in weeks! Am I not supposed to be upset! You know it just feels like an empty house when you're gone. This is supposed to be our em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"home-"/em/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""This is NOT my home!" He yelled. Rangiku jolted and looked up into his eyes. Their blue irises were darker than she'd remembered them being./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""It's Lieutenant Ichimaru to you. This is my em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"house/em that I let em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"you/em live in. I belong in the Seireitei, where I can drink and dance and fuck as much as I want to, Ran. That is my home."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Rangiku stared down at her feet, shaking violently. Gin stepped away from the door, retreating in the direction of his room./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Get out." Her voice was a low growl./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran not now-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Get the fuck out Gin." Her calmness caught him by surprise. He was not used to her being this serious. He disliked it. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Gin set his jaw, trying to regain his composure. As soon as he found it, he put on his deceitful grin. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran-chan doesn't know how to take a joke anymore now that she's all grown up, huh? Guess I'll be on my way, if I'm not too busy next week I'll spend a few days here and do some of the housework."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Don't you dare come back, Gin." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Rangi-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Don't ever come back."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She looked him straight on. Even through the slits of his eyelids she could sense his glare was as intense as hers. He was the first to break his gaze, and disappeared in a moment using flashstep. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Rangiku ran to her room and sobbed, staining the kimono he'd bought for her last birthday with makeup and salty tears. She left her grief wrack her body until her back and stomach were sore. She only went to sleep because she found she had no more tears to cry. /span/p  
div style="mso-element: para-border-div; border: none; border-bottom: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; padding: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; border: none; mso-border-bottom-alt: dotted windowtext 3.0pt; padding: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 1.0pt 0cm;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Gin. When will you realize, damn it? When will you realize that /span/emspan lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"you're em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"my home?/em/span/p  
/div  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She'd sped up the pace the closer she got to the hum of celebration. She'd promised Jidanbo she wouldn't get caught in the Seireitei, even though every movement she took made her want to cry out in pain. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""There," she said, turning the corner to see the source of the music and loud voices. It was the only bar still open at 4am. And she hoped Gin would be there. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She glanced at her reflection in a puddle of water beside the entrance. She looked disheveled. For the first time since that night he left she could see how she truly looked. Her cheeks were sullen. She had shrunk to skin and bones, and even though her hair was longer, it was brittle and dull, just like her. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ex- excuse me?" Rangiku walked in and approached a server at the bar. "I'm looking for Gi- uh, Lieutenant Ichimaru?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"The server looked her up and down, surprised that she would know someone of that rank./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Please, sir. I'm his – housekeeper." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Back hall; Room 8."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Thank you!" She almost tripped over her dress heading to the back of the bar, where she could tell that Room 8 was having the best time. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She knocked on the door before a cute, crimson-haired woman slid it open, revealing Gin, 6 bottles of sake and his harem of women. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""You really weren't kidding, huh?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Gin turned in Rangiku's direction when he registered her voice. He showed no emotion toward her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran-chan!" he gulped down the dregs of sake left in his cup. "How long has it been, little housekeeper?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""It's been 8 months, Gin."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Shit! Really? I'm guessing I missed your birthday then?" Rangiku noticed the dark purple spots on the frail skin of his neck. It took her everything not to walk away. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin, I need to talk to you. Why haven't you come back?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I think you made it-"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"hiccup /em"made it preeeeeety clear I couldn't come back. To my own damn house!" The bottle of sake he had in his hand slipped and landed in one of the girl's laps. She giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin, please. I know what I said, but I was hoping you would have come to check on me. I really need to talk to you-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I think we've said all we need to stay, I mean say, to each other. Unless. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Hiccup. /emYou're goin to be a good little pet like these here wonnerful ladies, I suggest you leave. Besides you aren't old enough to be in a bar." Gin's right hand rested on the small of the crimson-haired woman. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""But, Gin!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Come on, girl! You heard him, didn't you? Or do you have dirt in your pretty little ears, Rukongai brat?" a tall woman, just about as busty as Rangiku pulled on her dress, revealing a huge black and blue mark that covered her whole left shoulder. Rangiku lost her footing and fell backward, revealing that she was covered in these bruises from head to toe. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Gin…" she pleaded./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Go." he said simply./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Embarrassed, she got up and walked out of the room. She was the image of despair as she struggled not to cry as she left. He could tell that she was limping. He could tell everything, damn it! The moment he'd heard her voice he pretended to be drunk. In truth, he wasn't having a good time. He hadn't had a good time in 8 months. And that look she gave him, and those bruises! In the pit of his stomach he knew that night when they'd parted 8 months ago she was right; those greedy bastards were after her. Even her reiatsu was different, broken and battered. Gin retched in the garbage can at the corner of the room. Not because he was drunk, but because he was disgusted with himself. He ran after Rangiku, hoping that she wouldn't have gotten too far. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"He knew where she'd gone as soon as he'd spoken to Jidanbo./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Do you know which way she went?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""South, Lieutenant Ichimaru, to the Rukongai."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"To the old little hovel which they'd shared for 4 years. It had always been their home. He silently disappeared into the night, hoping flash step would get him there faster. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"It was closer than he believed it to be – his old home. He could see a dim light from inside, probably embers from a fire Rangiku had lit to keep warm. He approached slowly, hesitant about whether he was doing the right thing./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She lay on their old cot, torn and moth-eaten after so many years, and he could see her heaving, her sobs silent./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She was on her left side, so he waited patiently, and eventually she managed to calm down and lifted her bony arm up, his signal to lay down next to her. He thought he could smell the scent of sweet grass in her hair./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"He swallowed a lump in his throat./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""You were right, weren't ya, Ran? Those Shinigami were watching you." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Rangiku lay still and said nothing./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""How long has it been like this?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Since the night you left." Gin froze. His grip unintentionally tighted on Rangiku's midriff and he heard the stifled cry of pain. There was no more fat to pinch. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran, I'm so- "/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I told you to leave. I know I did." She turned over and looked him straight in the eye. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Remember when we used to sleep like this?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Her inner thigh rested on top of his legs and her now full chest completely covered his own. The only difference was that instead of her hands going into his face, they were placed across his chest, with the other one playing in his soft silver hair. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""They burned your house down, Gin. They thought I was in it but I escaped. I'm sorry-"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""It doesn't matter, Ran-chan. You're safe," even as he said the words he knew they weren't true. She looked emaciated, but she still managed to smile as she stroked his hair. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I was always planning to come back, you know. Look what I found," span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanThere was a creak and a shuffle before she turned over backspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanto reveal span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanthe wooden box hidden underneath the loose floorboard all this time. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""It's our good luck charm, Gin" she managed to produce the kind of laugh that made him feel warm. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""So it is, huh?" In return for the laugh, he tried his best to show Ran his characteristic grin, forcing it so hard his jaw cramped up./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""You don't have to pretend to be strong for me Gin. You're here and that's what makes me happy. That's all that matters. I'm em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"home/em again."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"She nestled into his neck and he bit his lip down hard so as not to cry for her. He was a selfish man. He always had been. But something about Rangiku made him want to change that. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ran-chan?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Hmm?" she was already half asleep./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""Ya still love me don'tchya?" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"It surprised him that she wasn't surprised by his question. Like she'd never meant to hide it. He had tried to say it coyly, to make her feel like he wasn't in pain to see her broken all over again./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""I do, Gin. Now, can I get some sleep?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"It must have felt so natural to her to love him. He'd known it for a long time, but it finally sunk in, that she loved him. He just needed to know if it was unconditional/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"He waited till she slipped into a deep and peaceful sleep before leaving. For once he was truly thankful to Aizen. Without him, he wouldn't have had the training or the zanpakuto necessary to do what he was about to. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"I guess I'll just draft and file the paperwork myself. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"And what will it say, Master?/span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;"Gin grasped the hilt of Shinso firmly, as if to balance himself. After all, he hadn't felt so clear-headed in 8 months./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Tahoma',sans-serif;""That they all died in the fire." /span/p 


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I would like to start of by thanking my followers and the people who've reviewed my story, including PoisonPenPrincess, who loved the fact that last chapter was longer. Unfortunately, this chapter comes in at second shortest. I'm sorry! My excuse for this is that I wrote about seven chapters of this story in one sitting last year, way before I published it. And now that feel a certain responsibility towards the fans, I keep having to edit, scrap, and create new chapters. ALL THE TIME. What I once thought would be done in 10 to 12 chapters has become a story line that I don't see ending until at least 20. Here's the problem though: I'm a full time student who has a full time job. That shit's kinda hard. And I want to do this story justice, not just for you guys, but for me. So, I'd like to here from you. Either I update on a weekly/ bi weekly basis with shorter chapters, or you give me a month's time to come up with something you can sit down and read for half an hour. I'm committing to this story, as well as other Bleach and anime ships that I have in the works (i'll save those until I'm done this fic). So feel free to inbox me and ask me when the next installment will be if it's taking an obscenely long time, respecting the fact that I'm a FT student/employee and all.

Now, about this chapter. This is the end of helpless Rangiku. She's a little more cynical and aware of herself in future chapters. And I mention something about Gin's eye colour in this chapter. I know it did this weird change in the anime from red to blue, but I always preferred blue-eyed Gin.

Happy reading!***

"Relax, Soul Reaper. She will be fine."

Her breathing had finally slowed; her skin less hot and clammy. Gin had taken her to a healer at the edge of the Sereitei before the Sun broke the darkness of the sky. He had not wanted anyone to know that they knew each other – least of all that they mattered to one another.

Gin used kidou to knock Rangiku out – at least it would subdue her spiritual pressure. It was earth-shattering to see the bruises and lacerations all over her body. The healer had ordered that she be stripped down and cleaned before she administered any poultices. He did it carefully, noticing how she winced in her unconsciousness if he nicked a cut or bruise.

"Would you like to clean her up?" The old woman teased after she realized how long it took him to undress her. Gin spun around to give her a venomous look.

"No. You do it. I already stripped her down," he used all of the authority he could muster, trying not to look at the damage his absence had done to Rangiku.

She was naked in front of him, but he didn't blush. He looked on in absolute pity as he saw her as she once was, the day they met. He did this to her, and yet she came for him. She followed him like a puppy and he was pretty sure she would forever.

 _Wait, wasn't it supposed to be the other way around?_

He clung to his zanpakuto, Shinso, as if his vice grip on its sheath would stop him from speaking.

 _I'm doin' what I can. The Capt'n ain't really easy to loosen up, ya know? Why am I even talkin' to ya right now, Shinso?_

Face buried in his palms, Gin raked his fingers through fine silver strands of hair. The healer had finished with Rangiku quickly and recommended that they stay in the healing quarters of her home until nightfall.

Gin hadn't slept since she'd found him at the bar. He hadn't slept well in 8 months, now that he thought about it. He was exhausted – physically and mentally. The things that he'd done with Shinso were unspeakable. And Aizen – the more he thought about it, the more he realized he wasn't anywhere near accomplishing his true goal: He wasn't strong enough to beat Aizen. And now that he had to worry about Rangiku's safety, he was afraid that she wasn't strong enough to beat anyone.

He took advantage of their opportunity alone in this safe haven to nestle beside her the way they used to sleep in their hut. He opted to lay his hand on her stomach instead of pinching her fat – there wasn't any left. He dozed off in a matter of minutes, with the smell of sweet grass filling his lungs.

He was woken up by the sudden softness of fingers combing through his hair. He didn't jolt upright, though. Instead, he pretended to be sleeping a few moments longer, so that Rangiku wouldn't be surprised by his reaction and stop.

"Wake up, Gin. Its night-time."

His grin crept its way across his face, her only indication between him sleeping and waking, and she smiled back. The moon hung low and full in the corner of the sky, turning all in its light into monuments of silver.

"Darn it, Ran. You got dressed already?" He chuckled.

Rangiku scowled and flicked his left ear. _At least she's got energy enough for that,_ he thought.

She looked better, though. She was still thin and frail, but her eyes weren't as dull. Their light rivalled the moon's, and it made Gin suddenly think how hard it would be to get away from their hideout unnoticed.

Rangiku scurried over to the corner of the room and grabbed Shinso. Gin had placed it there when he went to lie down, and he realized he didn't mind his absence. She held it out, placed gently in her palms, as Gin sat up on the bed. He could feel his zanpakuto's spiritual pressure go haywire. He was hungry, hungry for Rangiku's spirit – or what she had left of it. He could feel Shinso's desire to consume her completely, leaving nothing left for his Soul Reaper.

He grabbed his sword out of her hands and she jolted at his reaction.

"Don't ya worry about it, Ran-chan. Shinso was just havin' some dirty thoughts."

"Oh? I didn't realize that zanpakuto could think."

"They sure do," he got up and adjusted his shikahusho, still unsure of what to do and where to go. "They're spirits, jus' like you an I. Shinso lets me use his power to protect the Sereitei. The stronger I get, the stronger he does."

"Gin?"

"Ya, Ran?"

"Where are we going?"

"I – I dunno."

Some of the sparkle in her eyes faded. "I know you have to go back to the Sereitei – back to your quarters. Maybe I should stay in the hut for a while until I figure out a way to make some money- "

"You're going to the Academy."

Gin blurted it out before he finished thinking it through.

"Wha-what!?"

Rangiku's head jutted forward with her eyebrows furrowed and a dumb look on her face, as if Gin was speaking a foreign language.

"I want you to become a Soul Reaper. You need ta' know how ta' take care of yaself, Ran. Besides, ya'd be hopeless without me."

He could tell the last words struck a chord within his childhood friend's being. They hurt her, possibly more than what those other Shinigami did to her ever could.

She waited until her voice was steady enough to speak evenly. "The new year doesn't start until next month. Where do I go until then?"

"I'll buy another place in the Sereitei," There went Gin's mouth again! Saying things impulsively without thinking them through. The Sereitei was so expensive! But Rangiku…

"Gin, forget it. That's out of the question. You can't – you can't do that for me."

His grin widened to mask his regret of speaking his thoughts out loud. "Oh, Ran! You'll work for me o'course! Be my housekeeper again. Only this time, ya' have ta' wear a little maid's outfit."

 _Slap!_ Her long fingernails left a bitter sting on Gin's right cheek. He moved around his jaw to cool his face down, and Rangiku could see the slight gap between his front two teeth, the serpentine point to his tongue. This all fascinated her – open-mouthed Gin seemed like the real thing, the Gin that hid behind his debonair grin and slanted eyes. She'd seen this side of him on rare occasions, and was always astonished that his eyes were bluer than her own.

"Ouch, Ran," he breathed out, jaw still slack from moving it around. "Now I'm definitely gonna get ya' one a' them outfits."

She laughed half-heartedly until she couldn't bear it anymore and swung her arms around him in a tight embrace. He could hear her wheezing and feel the collar of his shikahusho dampening.

"Gin! I don't deserve any of this! I'm so grateful to you – for everything!" She said between sobs. It felt as if she was losing energy, her grip had slackened on his neck.

"I've missed you, Gin. I really really have."

"All the more reason to take me up on my offer then."

She didn't know what she was expecting. For him reciprocate her feelings? No, I think she was just hoping for a real answer, a "I'm just not ready for that kind of relationship with you," kind of answer. In the end, she didn't really care if it was unrequited love; his care for her showed in everything that happened in the past few hours.

If that was all she got, it was all she needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: To my biggest fan, PoisonPenPrincess, I am truly sorry it's taken me this long to post. :( School/work/life gets in the way. And if I think too hard about this story it totally consumes me and takes me away from the important things, so I'm going to try and work on this during the weekends more often. Anyway, this chapter is probably as lemony as it gets for me. No vivid and lengthy descriptions about sex and intimacy, although there will be more instances. That being said, I may edit or rework this chapter sometime in the near future, not too much, but if I feel like there's dialogue or scenes that are not in-tune with the characters as they progress, I will tweak it a bit. And I will let you know in the authors notes of my latest chapters if I do. Hope you guys enjoy! Next chapter will be out by this weekend, hopefully *crosses fingers***

 _Present_

She was on her way out of the Squad 10 barracks in hopes of getting her duties done as quickly as possible – well, at least the first one. Then she'd have an excuse to leave sooner. It had been about a week since the Karakura town battle and already she was back to work. Her hands trembled as she walked across the other end of the Seireitei, unable to flashstep lest in her nervousness she dropped all Captain Hitsugaya's paperwork.

 _She could still feel the warmth of his whispers and the strength of his lust. She remembered where her nails had dug deep into his creamy flesh, and the bruises she received when he'd force her up against the wall. In her more desperate moments she could still feel his cold fingertips trailing the inside of her thighs, and the kisses he would place from the back of her neck all the way down her spine…._

She shook her head in denial of her daydream, bringing her back to the real world and the task at hand. To her surprise, she had absent-mindedly made her way through the barracks as if she'd known them by heart, and stood facing Captain Kuchiki. He was busy writing at his desk, and Rangiku took a moment to look around the room before addressing him. A picture of the captain and Lady Hisana on their wedding day filled her heart with… what was it that she was feeling? Jelousy? Regret?

"Good morning, Lieutenant Ichimaru," he had yet to look up from what he was writing on his desk. His writing was neat; long and artful brushstrokes created dancing words.

"Good morning, Captain." She realized that her tone was a bit annoyed, as if Captain Kuchiki should have called her by her maiden name. "I was sent here by Captain Hitsugaya. He would like you to co-sign on a petition he's started to ban Central 46 from confiscating the possessions of Aizen and the other _traitors_." The last word left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Hmm," as if he was deep in thought, the captain of Squad 6 furrowed his brow, writing uninterrupted. Rangiku was well aware that he had already made up his mind, and that his pensive expression was all for show.

"What does he suggest be done with these articles?"

Lieutenant Ichimaru tapped her foot, obviously annoyed by his response. "He intends to hand most of them over to the Shinigami Research and Development Institute for Captain and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi to work on."

 _Tap. Tap. Tap… Tap. Tap. Tap…_

Captain Kuchiki finally dropped his quill and look the Lieutenant in the eyes. His grey irises were as cold and meaningless as ever. "I do not see why those affairs should be in either of our hands, Rangiku. Let Central 46 do what they want with the traitors' belongings. They have no honour and should not be treated otherwise."

"Byakuya, please!" Rangiku's voice broke, unsure if she should address this captain in that way, any superior, for that matter. But she determined to keep going.

"I mean – Captain Kuchiki," she bowed her head in apology, "I was the one who suggested that my captain come to you first. I was sure that your agenda would be in line with Hitsugaya-taicho. I was sure you'd both want the same thing."

At this Rangiku heard Captain Kuchiki's chair scrape across the floor. Her eyes widened, but she dared not look up, and she saw his sandaled feet as he walked toward her, finally hooking his index finger to lift her chin. Icy blue eyes met cloudy grey ones.

"What is it that _you_ want, Lieutenant Ichimaru?"

It was true. He saw through her ruse, there was no reason to answer dishonestly at this point.

"I want them to leave our house in the Rukongai alone. I don't want Asuna having to be involved in this at all."

He stared, and she stared back, afraid that if she broke contact it would dissuade him of helping her, like he'd done so many times before. He took his finger from underneath her chin and sighed.

"I'll sign it. I'll have Lieutenant Abarai bring it back to your Captain shortly."

"Thank you, Bya – "

"Captain Kuchiki."

She smirked as she turned on her heel to leave. _Typical Byakuya, never wanting to show his true colours._

"Rangiku."

"Yes, Captain?"

"I've got a few gifts for Asuna. I missed her birthday and I know she must be upset-"

"Don't worry about it," She turned back and placed her hand on top of the captain's, "After all, she wants to be just like you."

They were staring at each other again. _I'm sorry,_ their eyes said, _a million times over_. He placed his free hand on top of hers as a sign of forgiveness.

His fingers were as cold as she remembered.

It was mutual need for another soul to share in their pain that caused them to comfort one another. Hisana was dead, and Gin was an enigma. He'd abandoned her, and she was tired of feeling that way.

"Matsumoto," he would say as he stroked her hair, rousing her from her sleep. They were in the Squad 6 Barracks training dormitories. Since there were no more Shinigami graduates for another few months, this wing of dormitories was completely empty and completely at the captain's disposal.

"Stop being so formal, Byakuya," she yawned as she rolled over, her breast making contact with his cold, hard chest. "We're fucking, aren't we?" She wrapped her arms around his neck to pull herself closer to him, giving him a slow and sloppy kiss as she hooked her leg around his to draw it between her thighs. His cold skin sent tingles everywhere.

Byakuya smiled; he looked like he might actually laugh. It was a rare occasion for him – it made his jaw hurt, but he did it for her.

If he could describe Matsumoto – Rangiku – in one word it would be life. She was full of it. And she indulged herself by sharing it with him. Since Hisana died, well, he was close to death more times than he would like to admit. And even though it was Rangiku's advances that brought them here, he was enjoying it just as much as she was.

"Fuck is such a callous word, Rangiku. Can't we call it 'sleeping together?'"

"Sleeping together? That's what you want to do? Okay. I'm going to sleep now. Goodnight!" Byakuya could feel the warmth and wetness from between her legs slowly retreat as she turned over to her side and fluffed the pillow. Damn it! Him and his formalities. He should have known with her playful nature that she loved to tease him every chance she got. That she liked him to beg, to be desperate for her. Captain Kuchiki always made sure to leave his pride on the other side of the bedroom door.

He turned her over forcefully, knowing that if they didn't get a round in soon it would be time to leave. She never stayed, and he never asked her to. It was an affair; he knew she was married. But her husband was never in the picture. He didn't even know who he was.

"Apologize."

"For what?" his face was in her hair and it smelled of sweet grass. He wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. Sometimes Rangiku's silly games got too convoluted.

"Apologize. We're not 'sleeping together' unless you do."

He pursed his lips. "I'm sorry, Rangiku."

"Not like that, you silly Captain." She giggled as she slid underneath him, the full force of his weight resting on her body. "You've got to kiss me."

She hardly finished her request before his cold and soft lips were brought down on hers. Their collision created fiery heat that sent Rangiku's back arching and hips bucking upon contact. Byakuya scrambled for any piece of flesh he could grab onto, leaving blossoming bruises on her neck and collarbone. When they finally parted, they were panting. His colourless eyes and her icy blues ones met, asking each other for the same thing: more.

"That was nice and all," Rangiku tried to lower her voice to sound seductive, but she was just as out of breath as the Captain, "But that's not where I wanted my kisses."

A slightly naughty smirk crept up on the captain's face, making him that much more attractive as he lifted her leg sky-high and disappeared underneath the sweat-soaked sheets.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, if I have any fans left, I'm sorry this took months to upload. I've got bits and pieces of this story together but its taking me forever to sew it all together. This is a short chapter, actually I've had this piece of writing done for ages but wanted to combine it into the next chapter. I figure I might as well get it out there, maybe it'll motivate my writing a little bit. Cheers and Happy New Year, readers!**

Everything about their arrangement was perfect – except each other. In the moments when he would stroke her hair out of her face, or she would carefully undo his shihakusho, she saw the same look in the reflection of his eyes: a mutual appreciation and longing for one another; the closest one could come to romantic love without giving it that weight; an imitation, an impostor of love that neither one of them was willing to deny.

Her only mistake was to think that Gin would let it last.

"Byakuya," she said, half sleeping.

"Yes, Ran?" He felt more comfortable with her now; more natural. Sure, they still had their long passionate soirees together, in discreet hotels now that training season had begun, but he felt best being delicate with her. Now his chest was up against her back, while he ran his fingers down the inside of her thighs.

"I've got to go home soon, hon."

"It is 4 am. I was expecting you to leave sooner, actually – "

"I mean, _home._ I've got to go see _her."_

"Oh," it dawned on the Captain that she meant she had to go see her daughter. For a while, he had to admit, he'd forgotten that there was an outside world: Hisana and Rukia mattered to him dearly, but one was dead and one was too busy to realize that that redhead with the tattoos from squad 11 had feelings for her. Rangiku Matsumoto, drunken seductress that she was, was the only thing that made him feel he wasn't alone. In his selfishness, he forgot that she had others that depended on her too.

He forgot that she was married.

And dismissed the possibility that he was a regular soul that was at home with their daughter.

He felt an immediate urge to slice something with Senbonzakura.

"…in the middle of a village west of Inuzuri…."

"What?" Byakuya jolted back to reality, aware that Rangiku had been talking to him.

She smirked, "I asked you to _come._ At least a couple of nights. You could, you know…. Sneak through my bedroom window so we don't get caught."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "You're inviting me over? What about your daughter?"

"That's why you gotta sneak in, silly! Asuna will be sleeping by then."

"Kuchikis don't 'sneak in', Mastumoto." He always called her Matsumoto when we was displeased about something.

 _Asuna._ Knowing her name made her all the more real. Made Rangiku's marriage all the more real….

"So, you don't live with your husband?"

"Are you fucking kidding me!? We're separated. I've told you that. If you think I'd lie about that just to get some action – "

Byakuya quieted her the best way he knew how: In the time of a flashstep he parted her legs and entered her full-force, sending a strong current of spiritual pressure through both of their bodies.

 _Gasp!_ She sucked in her breath, wide-eyed as she clutched on to the captain's hips.

"You're to go home soon. I understand that. But now's not the time to talk about this."

Rangiku nodded. She let her hands gently drop to her sides, feeling the pulse of spiritual energy drop as he spoke to her. He was electrifying every part of her body with his; but his words made her feel numb inside. She tried to cancel it out by moving her body against his.

"Ran – "

"Shh…" And she kissed him as she moved rhythmically against him, sending a stronger and more pleasurable current of spiritual pressure through her.

He lurked in the shadows, hoping that she would be out of the hotel room soon enough –hoping that it wouldn't be one of the nights she stayed late. He could feel his rage threatening to break his immovable grin so often now that he had tried using kidou once or twice to help him keep it there.

She emerged from the little inn – she always came out first, cloaked in a black cape with an edge of her pink scarf showing. That's when he had figured out she was having an affair. No – affair wasn't the right word. They had been separated for some time. Estrangement, perhaps it was called.

He followed her. Out past the lit street with open bars and restaurants. Out past the homes that lined the walls of the Court of Pure Souls. Out of the Seireitei itself. He knew she was headed home – to her house. He knew he wasn't allowed to be there. For the first time in Gin's life he felt as if his face lacked any sort of expression – it was the closest to looking guilt-ridden he could get.

He slowed his pace the closer he got to the place where she lived with her daughter, _their_ daughter. He couldn't do that to Rangiku. He knew that she didn't get to see Asuna that often, being a lieutenant in the Gotei 13 was a busy job.

Gin lay down in the grass, finally giving up on trying to catch his wife. _Can I even call her that anymore? Since when did I start calling her my wife again?_ Gin, obviously troubled, lay down in the tall grasses and careful to maintain the suppression of his reiatsu even at rest.

 _How could she not have sensed it? Is she losing her knack for this? Or did he just screw her that good?_

He wouldn't have caught her if she didn't slip up. Not once had she ever called him Gin in public, but on his way to a captain and lieutenant's meeting a few months ago, she'd accidentally called Captain Kuchiki by his first name.

"I'm sorry, Captain Kuchiki!" she blushed.

"Don't apologize, Ran. Just don't do it again."

 _Ran._ They thought they'd been out of earshot but Gin's hearing picked up on the nickname he'd given her when they were children. A name he only used when -

It took everything for him not to stab Kuchiki in the back with Shinso.

Gin's thoughts on the matter were enough to put a scowl on his face, but it soon returned to its characteristic grin when he thought of a thousand ways to harm the Kuchiki heir. When his plans with Aizen came to light, Kuchiki would be first on his kill roster.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm soooo sorry guys!**

 **It's been over a month and It's been extremely hard to juggle work and school. But it's reading week and I took vacation from work so I pushed through it and cranked out another chapter. Like I said, I've been sitting on this content, but I had it in a Word document that had 71 pages that were extremely disorganized. So I finally broke up my content into two documents and It seems to have encouraged me to edit and write more chapters. Soo, I have set a reminder on my phone and will try to have the next chapter out by my birthday, which is the 22nd of next month. I haven't forgotten about my fans and my reviewers, I appreciate your patience and commitment to this story.**

 **A reminder, this story is not in chronological order. I will normally mark at the beginning of the story/ section of the story where I think it may be important to denote the time skip.**

 **Alrightie, guys! Enjoy!******

 **EDIT: Soo I make the HUGE mistake of not reading through this chapter before posting it. A month later, (thanks to my new follower ;) I have realized how incredibly hard it is to read and that there were more than a few spelling errors. My apologies people! New chapter coming out very soon!**

 _About 80 years ago..._

It was getting harder each day.

First came lethargy. It made sense, didn't it? Being a squad member was much harder on the body then being at the Academy. She trained harder, slept less, and ate little.

Then came the vomiting. Rangiku attributed it to being overworked, and the pungent smell of _men_ in her barracks. She was the only female that was a seated officer in Squad 10, and the only men who smelled good were her captain and his nephew, Lieutenant Isshin Shiba. She would never tell her lieutenant that, though.

She came out of denial when she'd realized she missed her period.

"Thank you, Captain, for being able to make a house call."

"Not at all, child. My duty is to take care of all sick and injured."

"I'm not sick, Captain."

"No?" Captain Unohana inspected the empty tea cup in front of her. She put it back down gingerly, as if she'd upset it in some way. "Nor are you injured, I gather?"

"No," Rangiku twiddled her thumbs. How was she to come out and say it? How would she explain herself?

"You know, 3rd seat Matsumoto, I hardly think being pregnant warranted a house call. I thought this was about something else."

Rangiku hid her shock well enough, but she couldn't help but let out an exasperated breath. Was it that obvious?

"Don't worry, Soul Reaper." Unohana reached over to clasp Rangiku's hands in her own. "No one else has noticed, if that's what you're worried about. But why come to me?"

"Because I have no one else. Because I can't trust anyone else."

"What about the child's father?"

"I…I don't want him to know." She looked away.

Unohana didn't pry any further. For all she knew, he could have forced herself on her. There was always a part of Rangiku's spirit that she sensed was broken.

"Captain," She stared up to the other woman's eyes, tear ducts glistening. "I want to keep it. How do I do that?"

* * *

Unohana approached the door to the office of Squad 10. She knocked twice, knowing there was no need. That he was waiting for her.

"Lady Yachi – Retsu."

"Goodday, Captain Shiba. I take it your nephew is elsewhere?"

"Yes. He has taken on many duties, actually, now that I'm getting older."

"I see. Isshin will make a good captain someday."

She had circled the chair before Captain Shiba's desk before lowering herself onto it. She was deliberately slow, careful not to raise any alarms as to the urgency of the matter they were about to discuss.

"Now then, Captain, what is it that I can do for you?"

The Captain of Squad 4, more often than not, went about her business unchallenged and unbothered. Not very many were still alive that remembered her as Kenpachi, especially since Squad 11 Captain had taken that title away. But they all still revered her, especially Captain Shiba.

It was so very easy for her to pluck Rangiku from his fingers.

* * *

"Lieutenant, what brings you here? I see that you've completed your mission with your Captain."

In the weeks that followed Rangiku's departure, Unohana had been busy with Squad 4s duties as well as Squad 10s. It would not be easy to make up for her absence, and in his failing health, Captain Shiba would need more than his nephew to run things efficiently. She'd found a boy, one that had graduated from the Academy in less time than the man that stood before her. Another prodigy. Maybe he would be of use to her old friend.

"I have." He was curt and not really in the mood for small talk.

"Is this about the boy? Have you heard, then?"

He had heard. A boy no younger than himself when we'd attended the Academy had graduated in less time than he had. When he and Aizen had come back from Hueco Mundo and heard the news, he was sure his captain would want the boy for himself.

"He reminds me a bit of you. Not just because of the funny coloured hair," she continued, not looking up from her paperwork. "He has this unshakeable sense of purpose like you'd had when you graduated. I hope it doesn't fade away, don't you, Lieutenant Ichimaru?"

Acutely aware that Unohana's words were deliberate, he engaged her in conversation. If he wanted to know where she went, he'd have to play along.

"Toshiro Hitsugaya, is it? And you've met him?"

"I have. I advised Captain Shiba that it would be wise to make him a seated officer, if only to help out now that 3rd seat Matsumoto is away."

"I'd heard about that as well." He didn't hear about it so much as he found out on his own. Gin was known for his recklessness, and everyone in the Gotei 13 had… _expectations_ of him. Fortunately for him, that meant that he was not monitored as closely by his captain in the weeks that followed the return home from a long mission. And he would not fail to be witnessed by other soul reapers coming out of a bar at 4 in the morning, or with arms slung around questionable women, even if he didn't sleep with them in the end. When he took his leave of Aizen, he went straight home, seeking emotional comfort more than anything else. And if it lead to sex, then…

But she was not there. And he could sense that she hadn't been there in a long time. He could tell that she left of her own volition though: the apartment was clean and she'd carried some of her personal things with her.

He traced his mind for anything remotely resembling an argument or disagreement, even a look of disapproval. He remembered nothing.

"Fuck!" A surge of spiritual pressure escaped from his body and knocked a mirror off the wall, sending the shards of glass all over the room.

And now he was with Captain Unohana, after double checking that she was in fact, not in her barracks, nor anywhere else in the Court of Pure Souls.

"I'd heard about some disquiet in the district where you both grew up. I thought it would make the most sense for her to go, seeing as you weren't here." _And she's a lot nicer than you are,_ Unohana thought to herself.

"Well, I…" he paused, unsure if implicating such direct concern for her would be in their best interest. "Captain Aizen was under the impression that there would be no more missions. His was dismayed to hear of 3rd seat Matsumoto's departure. Especially since he was forbidden to know if she was deployed within the region of his command. It could ruin his whole operation." It was a long shot, but he supposed Unohana would be more willing to receive a captain's concerns than a Lieutenant's.

"This was a goodwill mission, Lieutenant. No need for your captain to be alarmed. I wasn't –"

"I was under the impression that all Captains must discuss and vote on special missions." His smirk faltered at the realization that he'd cut her off.

"I see." She looked at him woefully, understanding that Aizen had nothing to do with this visit. And whether it was because she knew that the young girl wouldn't be able to hide her secret without his help, or she sensed the desperation in the very core of his soul, she was prepared to offer him information.

"Do you love her?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Don't patronize me, child," as kind as she had become over the centuries, part of her was still ruthless, part of her still relished the sport of killing. "I will not tell you where she is unless you tell me the _truth._ What that truth is, is none of my concern," She stood up from her seat, still much shorter than the man standing before her. He could see the edges of a deep scar behind her braid.

"Now," she said, arranging her hand so that they were clasped together under the sleeves of her captain's garment. "Do you love her?"

* * *

It was a quiet place, with no neighbours for miles. The door was already open and he slid through easily.

 _Why isn't there some kind of barrier?_

He took in the layout before him. It had two floors, which was very uncommon in the Rukongai, but something she must have gotten used to as a soul reaper. There was a simple kitchen and plenty of space to sit. More than either of them had ever had.

" Why do you need two floors, Ran?" he mumbled to himself.

He sensed her, then. She was somewhere in the house. He was careful not to reach out to her with his spiritual pressure, even though it was so magnetic, so intoxicating. He rounded several corners before he found her, back to him, bathing.

"Ran?"

She jumped up out of the tub to face him, covering her breasts with her arms. A thin film of spiritual pressure glistened around her, almost as if she was glowing. He raised an eyebrow at this anomaly. Spiritual pressure was only supposed to release itself like that in action. Before he'd startled her, she was in a state of rest. He studied her face; eyes wild and lips quivering, and wondered why she was so scared, why she'd felt the need to run away, why….

Both eyebrows were raised now.

"Ran."

Her body loosened and began to drop: she'd fainted. Gin reached for her and caught her before she fell back into the tub, careful not to disturb the mound of her belly and the baby growing inside.


	8. Chapter 8

_What does it take to fall in love?_

Until now, he had only ever witnessed it.

Love, that is.

He had witnessed it in the wistful eyes and playful smirks and longing voices of two men, ironically, in love with the same woman.

When is was still a young boy who loathed everything about Lieutenant Aizen, he was rather fond of his unknowing rival. He would even go as far as to say he like Captain Urahara.

He liked the fact that his lieutenant, who claimed to know all things, could never compare to the genius that was the goofy captain of squad 12. As they'd pass one another in the Sereitei, often to deliver a message to Captain Hirako that his own Lieutenant refused to send, he and Aizen would exchange words. He would wave to Gin if he was nearby and bid them farewell. Gin could tell the honorific, _sama,_ stung Aizen's tongue as it passed through his lips to say goodbye. It always made Gin happy.

As he grew into a young man and his loathing for Aizen was confused in his admiration of the lieutenant's ideals, he found Uruhara's clumsy charm and mellow attitude less and less appealing. He was too nice, his eyes too bright.

But he was a completely different person when _she_ was in the room.

He didn't act like it, not really. But Gin could tell from his eyes, normally clear relaxed, that she heightened all his senses. She made him protect her, without asking him to, and not because she was a princess.

Kisuke's eyes told him pretty much everything he needed to know about it, although Gin had never known the feeling himself.

At least, he hadn't put a name to the feeling yet.

 _What happens if love hurts you?_

He was equally pleased that the noble spoiled brat felt the same way about her. He would never have admitted it, but the young Lord Kuchiki was in love with the one thing he couldn't buy. Even more royal and privileged than he, but worthy of her Captaincy and all her other accolades. Gin was surprised he hadn't fallen in love with Princess Yoruichi himself.

He didn't see Byakuya for months after the "traitors" escaped, but when he did, he was different. He was faster, stronger, and more skilled than Gin, despite being a year younger and despite Gin being a child prodigy.

Yet, enjoying Byakuya's misery didn't feel the way he'd wanted it to feel. He thought that it would please him, but it just made him _uncomfortable._ He was lifeless and void of emotion. He was careful and prided himself on duty and honour above all else. He was not the same Kuchiki he'd hated all of these years. He felt it best to forget him.

Until that moment, he hadn't realized how much he'd remembered of those three people, two of them distant figures of his cruel past and the other still a shadow of his former self.

When she woke up, laying belly up on the sofa, he was at her feet, staring wide-eyed into an oblivion of shadows cast by the lamps at the far end of the room.

"You're angry." She said, barely audible above the white noise. She shifted her seat to curl her legs as close up to her chin as they would go. Gin could tell that she'd meant to say it louder, more confidently. She was so scared of his reaction that her voice caught and she didn't want to be close to him.

"I'm not angry Ran, I'm just…shocked." He pushed a hand roughly through his silver strands of hair, as if doing so would make sense of everything.

"You're shocked," it was more of a statement than a question and she loosened herself so that her legs were firmly planted on the floor and her forearms rested in line with her thighs, fingers locked and pale. Gin noticed that her belly nestled quite perfectly in between the gap of her legs. "So, you don't remember..."

"I don't remember anything Ran, I'm sorry."

He was about to say something, but she cut him off.

"I can't fucking believe you."

For the first time since she found out, she felt ashamed.

Not with herself, of course. She was proud of herself. She was proud of what she had been able to do with her life, proud that she'd made it out of the Rukongai and was a seated officer and was about to have a baby.

She was ashamed of him.

That look on his face, the look of _disappointment_ , made it very clear to her that she was right to want to do this on her own. She'd hoped – prayed, actually – that in some way she could hide this from him forever. She would go back to her duties as a soul reaper and she would continue to be on the parameters of his secret life. At least she'd have something to show for it. But they would never be the same, she promised herself.

But she was also prepared for this moment, too.

When she came to, she was laying on the futon. He could feel his warmth at her feet, but she refused to look at him even though he knew she was awake.

She made a haphazard attempt at an apology, but she was positive that he thought it was an apology for getting knocked up and not for forgetting to tell him about it.

They exchanged a few words.

He tells her he can't remember.

The words came out of her mouth as if bidden by another power. An angry and powerful part of her spirit ignited in a fury she never thought she could feel for him.

"I can't fucking believe you."

She got up to leave, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Ran, wait – "

 _I've waited long enough._

"Please, just…leave me. Leave us."

Although her head was bent, she could feel the change effect on him that came with that word: _us._ For the longest time, it referred to them. Everything she ever was, ever remembered being was connected to him someway. Leaving him out felt fucking impossible.

"No."

She laughed.

 _Is he seriously into playing mind games now? Why can't he when I need him to be?_

"Look Gin this isn't the time for your petty little – "

She stopped.

When she raised her head, she took in the Gin that stood before her, his eyes almost a mirror image of her own.

Except, he was not as successful damming his tears.

"Gin,"

"Look, Rangiku. I know you're mad and I know you want me to leave, but no."

His eyes were red and clashed with the sky blue of his pupils. It was so rare to see them clearly, and although a single tear hardly counted as crying, she realized she had never seen him cry before.

She nodded in response to his demand. Not because she wanted him to stay, but because she had no words left. She didn't know how to handle what she saw in his eyes. She didn't want to know, either.

She turned around and walked to her room, sliding the door shut carefully behind her. Although she knew she would have to deal with this tomorrow, it felt good to have some separation. The walls were just one of many barriers that stood between them and the only one she'd put up herself.

 _If he wants this, if he wants_ us _again, he needs to let me in._

She was not sure she would be ready collapse.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys! If you're still following me I'm back. Thank you for being so patient. I have no excuses other than I hadn't the time and sometimes the drive, to write another chapter. I also have so many jumbled chapter ideas and content that it was hard for me to figure out what come where in the story line. I hope to keep the momentum going and as I am finished school for good (finally!) in a few days, I hope to have another chapter out before the new year.**

 **Happy Readings!*****

 _Months before,…_

He was in one of his more obsessive moods today. Far from the valor he should have felt for this occasion. It had taken quite some time to get there, but the Soul Society was finally over Keisuke and Lady Yoruichi's betrayal, and the ceremony inducting both he and Aizen as Squad 5 Lieutenant and Captain, respectfully, had arrived.

* * *

"It's funny, isn't it?"

"Whaddya mean, Cap'n?"

"I mean, despite all of his efforts, and his interference, I'm exactly where I planned to be. Even Keisuke's fall from grace was planned. And you should really learn how to speak properly, Lieutenant. Your accent has become…. annoying."

They were in Captain Hirako – no, Captain Aizen's new office. Not like he hadn't been used to it already, but he was quick to assume the duties of his former captain and rearrange the office to suit his liking.

"I'll do my best not to annoy you. Perhaps, I should just use another room?"

"No." Aizen always wanted Gin close by. Which made it very hard for him to be elsewhere.

"No," Aizen repeated, more softly this time. "It would be out of place. We need some sense of normalcy," he tapped at the hilt of his zanpakuto, Kyoka Suigetsu. Gin could feel Shinso burining through his sheath. For every emotion Gin could not show toward Aizen, Shinso did it for him.

 _He belittles our intelligence too often, Master. Is it time to kill him yet?_

 _Hold yer' horses, Shinso. I haven't even been promoted yet._

He was not used to his sword's dissent. He liked to kill and so did Shinso. Every time he cut someone down, especially when they were equally matched, he enjoyed the thrill of victory.

But today was a different kind of thrill, one he did not want to admit he'd ever desired. Growing up as an orphan, he'd been robbed of the praises of small accomplishments, although he didn't feel he was the type of boy who'd have liked parents anyway.

No, he did not need any acknowledgement or praises from Aizen or any other Soul Reaper but one.

This was for her.

* * *

The ceremony went as planned, with all Captains, Lieutenants and seated officers attended Squad 5 ceremonial grounds. In the thick of gardens laden with birches and azalea bushes, Captain Yamamoto presented both he and Aizen with their new robes and official documents were signed and sealed into an envelope for Captain Ukitake to bring to the archives.

A queue of soul reapers gathered behind the Head Captain to shake hands with their colleagues. Captains were followed by their lieutenants and were cordial. Since Squad 5 was the last of the squads to have its head reinstated, Sui Feng was already captain of Squad 2 and shook Gin's hand disinterestedly. He could hardly blame her, for he felt the admiration she'd felt for her former captain resembled the love Captain Urahara had for her.

When the time came for Squad 6 to congratulate him, Ginrei Kuchiki was followed by his grandson, newly appointed his lieutenant. Byakuya refrained from shaking hands with Gin for no apparent reason other than to assert his nobility and his seniority of being among the Court Guard Squad's elite.

"I'm sorry for the loss of your Captain Hirako, Lieutenant Ichimaru." The look on the younger boy's face was somber, even numb.

"And for yours, too, Lord Kuchiki."

He took satisfaction in Byakuya's irritation. Gin knew he had not expected that reply. He even wondered if anyone had truly condoled him for the loss of Princess Yoruichi. If anyone knew what she truly meant to him.

Gin had no time to ponder the young lord's feelings. Squad 10 was next in line and he wanted to see her smile when she congratulated him. She might not have been able to show her excitement in entirety out in public, but he knew her smile would be enough for now.

"Congratulations, Gin."

"Thank you, Lieutenant Shiba." He'd always liked Isshin. Unlike the other 4 clans, the Shibas were more down to earth, less snob-like. Gin surmised it was due to their status as a fallen clan, although they were still revered throughout the Soul Society.

"Will you and your squad be joining us for the reception later?"

"Most of us will be, yeah!" Gin could tell the lieutenant was already a bit drunk. "I had some paperwork to finish so I put my 3rd and 5th seats on desk duty for the night, plus some other unseated officers are out scouring Inuzuri right now. But you'll have all the party people there!"

Gin scowled.

3rd seat.

3rd seat Rangiku Matsumoto.

She had missed the ceremony.

He'd felt something was wrong but did not look out for her during the proceedings in case Aizen noticed.

 _How the fuck did she get stuck with paperwork?!_

He quickly regained his composure and addressed the captain that stood before him.

"I'm sure we will all enjoy ourselves, lieutenant Shiba. I will see you soon."

In fact, he was only waiting to greet the other squad captains before he made his departure. Aizen would understand and not ask questions. Gin wasn't very much for work parties anyways.

* * *

The sound of her foot tapping against the floor tiles resounded through the apartment.

She knew he would be angry. And she knew he would come here to look for her. She also knew that she could avoid an argument by not coming home at all, for Gin would never jeopardize revealing the true nature of their relationship by reaming her out at the Squad 10 barracks.

It was her fault really. She'd wanted to wear both the scarf and the necklace he'd given to her at the ceremony. Since she always left the scarf in her office desk, she'd gone to retrieve it and ran into her lazy, paperwork-avoiding captain and was confined to desk duty for the remainder of the day. Lieutenant Shiba had assured her these sorts off ceremonies were a bore anyways, albeit while taking a large gulp of sake.

 _If only that were the point._

Now, sitting on the sofa and staring at the entrance to "their" home, Rangiku thought of the many ways she could apologize to her friend. Somehow, she knew that she was more disappointed in herself than he would be of her, if he even cared at all. The Gin she knew was not much for fanfare.

Still, she owed him an apology.

"Stop with the fucking leg already."

Ran jumped as she turned around to face Gin, who'd appeared out of nowhere.

"How did you-?"

"You left a window open. I've been watching you shake your leg for the past fucking 30 minutes and it's giving me a headache."

"Gin, I'm sorry, I-"

"I don't want an apology," he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I want to know _why_ of all days, you suddenly got stuck of fucking desk duty."

"Look, Gin. I went to get something I left at the barracks and Shiba caught me just as I was leaving, that bastard! I tried to finish early but if I knew that it was going to be such a big deal…"

Gin's spiritual pressure flared and knocked over the coffee table before he had time to speak.

"After everything I've been through you can't take 5 minutes out of your day to congratulate me? Are you too good for that? Or is it not that big of a deal?!"

"Gin, that's not what I meant."

"I took you in, I made sure you ate, I worked my ass off to make sure you had a roof over your head and clothes on your back!" his voice was a hiss. "It's not about it being a big deal, it's about respect! And you _will_ respect me in my own house!"

He remembered the last time they'd had a fight, in his house in the country. She'd been so angry she'd even slammed the door on him. Now that she was a soul reaper, he half expected her to unsheathe Haineko with the fiery temper he'd grown accustomed to.

He was not prepared, however, for the uncontrollable sobbing and incoherent apologies she started spewing out. She was a red and splotchy mess.

And Gin has no tolerance for it.

"You're pathetic." He left the same way he entered, leaving the damage his words had done to her behind.

* * *

Pathetic.

It was a word she heard all too often as a prisoner in her own home. Although she knew he was angry and he didn't mean it, hearing the man she loved use it was crippling. He'd left about 3 hours ago, probably to go to a bar and get drunk out of his mind, yet she was still in the same place. She stopped crying only because there were no more tears left. Still she felt wretched, unworthy.

"Pathetic." She said aloud.

"I shouldn't have said that, Ran-chan. I'm a complete fucking asshole."

She stayed silent, afraid that the next words she could say would trigger another outburst from him.

"Please, Ran. Say something."

"Like what? I don't know what to say."

"How bout," _hiccup._ "Saying what I have to… have to do to make up for my bad behaviour?" the slight high pitch in his voiced confirmed for her what she'd already known.

"Nothing, Gin. It's fine."

He walked over to the sofa and sat down next to her, placing her head on his lap.

"Come on, Ran-chan! There's nothing you want from me?"

"That's the problem, Gin. I want too much from you. Too much I can't have." Her voice was hoarse.

He patted her hair, running his fingers through it. They were always this close. Throughout their years together, he had been her mentor, her protector, her friend. But now, as she lay with her head in his lap, Gin knew the relationship he had with her now was infinitely different.

"Ran, you can have all of me. You've just never asked for it."

She sat up at his words and Gin thought he'd made a terrible mistake. Maybe he'd taken for granted that she'd always care for him the way he was starting to care for her. The way he was starting to feel when he caught her flirting with other officers. She perched on the arm of the sofa.

"I know you already know that I _want_ you, Gin."

"Then I'm yours."

"But, I don't want you like this." Her voice was barely audible over the buzzing in his head.

 _I would change for you if I could, Ran-chan._

"What if," _hiccup_. "This is the only way you can have me?" He approached her side, still inebriated but sobering up. Maybe, she thought, he needed liquid courage to have this conversation.

"What if, Ran-chan, I decided I want you too?" he put the pad of his thumb to the pulse at the base of her throat.

Her lips quivered, and a tear rolled down her face.

 _Am I really considering this?_

Until now, she had never realized desperation in her heart. It was not enough to be his closest friend – probably the only one at that. She'd felt this insatiable need to be wanted by him, to _belong_ to him.

"Gin, I – I can't. I just can't."

* * *

He could see her trembling and felt the spike in her spiritual pressure. She was afraid. He'd forgotten the time she'd spent captive with those good for nothing creeps that called themselves soul reapers. The taste of his favourite sake soured on his tongue.

"Look at me."

She'd turned her face away from him, afraid to look afraid. Afraid that he might think of her as that weak and pathetic little girl that came running to him at the bar that night. He grabbed her face between his hands and turned it to face him.

"Ran, look at me. Please," she hesitated before looking at him dead-on, eyes widening as she saw the sky blue of his own.

"I'm all kinds of fucked up, but I could never hurt you. I _would_ never hurt you. I've always tried to protect you. You know that, right?"

Rangiku bit her lip in an attempt to stop the tears. "There's something you're not telling me, Gin. I can feel it."

He swallowed hard. How could he tell her everything? How could he tell her he was a monster? That his promotion was a sham? That Aizen had a plan that would rock the very foundation of the Soul Society?

The truth was that he couldn't tell her. But he couldn't tell her a lie either.

"All I can tell you is that my number one priority has been and always will be to protect you. I hope that's enough."

"I don't need your protection anymore, Gin. I'm a Soul Reaper just like you now. And if you let me in, I can _help_ you. Don't you want my help?"

He nodded in response and dropped his hands from her face and into her hands resting at her side. He had no idea how to tell her in what way he needed her help – needed _her_ in that moment, so he led her by the hand into the bedroom, hoping that would be enough of an explanation.

She didn't expect for anything to feel different. After all, the process was the same. But as he lay her down on the bed and slid himself inside of her, she felt an overwhelming numbness. Her emotions were such a clusterfuck that she couldn't find comfort or pleasure in the little things he did to calm her down.

Gin was being the gentlest he'd been with any woman, despite being drunk and despite his body's desire to be aggressive. But Rangiku remained rigid underneath him despite the kisses he trailed down her neck and her hands he clasped in his own as they rocked together.

"Ran-chan, please trust this. No matter how angry or distant I get from you, trust that I will never hurt you." He paused a moment at her ear before bringing his lips to hers and kissing her, in earnest, for the first time in their lives. His body heat rose and he was almost at his release as she'd kissed back. He could feel her body loosen and mold its tenderness against the rigidness of his own. But it went just as quickly as it came. Ran broke off from his kiss and her body language became even more austere.

She did not trust this. She did not trust him.

Suddenly, he realized that he'd misjudged what she was afraid of.

She, of all people, could not take him at his word.

He only stopped their rhythm for a moment to process this before continuing at a more hurried pace. He did not want to prolong this embarrassing experience. It had taken him nearly 3 bottles of sake to have to courage to say the things that he said, and it still wasn't enough. Gin had been cut and bruised before, but the sting of this rejection was unbearable.

He felt the familiar high before he fell into the spasms of release, clutching tighter to Ran's hands momentarily before quickly letting go altogether.

Minutes later, he was already in the streets of the Sereitei returning to Squad 5 barracks. He couldn't remember getting out of bed, much less getting dressed and leaving the apartment. He couldn't even remember if he'd exchanged any words with Ran before he'd walked out. All he hoped was for the snowflakes melting on his skin and the wind stinging his eyes to wash out the memory of making love to her.


End file.
